Phantom Menace in 3D - Was my mind blown or was Uncle George blowing smoke?

Episode 1 - The Phantom Menace 

Was my mind blown..or was Uncle George just blowing smoke..?

Now, we all know that The Phantom menace was a turd of a film in relation to the Star Wars universe, probably the worst of the 6. Darth Maul was marked as one of the most bad ass villains in Cinema history only to die a quick death with less than 10 minutes of screen time...yes, I know, very frustrating.

Without going into a review of the movie, because if you haven't already seen this...chances are you won't anyways. I would rather focus on the amazing 3-D effects that I would be looking forward too. Knowing how Lucas Arts is an innovator, knowing that good ole George would have something special up his sleeve for this, just to hook all of us nerds in for more merchandise and future releases...and knowing that my hopes are high as I've defended this release and looked forward too it...Uncle George wouldn't let me or the rest of us Lucas fanboys down...would he???

I went in with every intention of being in awe, with a complete open mind. Regardless of how bad Jake Lloyd was (even in High Def) I was going to enjoy the chills during the opening crawl and be wow'd like never before!! Well, I wasn't. Let me state this...the quality of picture was amazing. You could not ask for a better transfer to screen than what you get. Every detail sticks out, every background character has a face and we see everything with amazing depth. The 3-D effects just were lackluster.

Sure, I know that this wasn't "shot in 3-D" but come on Mr Lucas, you Sir, are on top of the world with Technology, you are cutting edge...you Sir are the creator and reason why movie magic is so epic. I was expecting to duck during the podrace scene, I was expecting to need oxygen during the space battles...I was expecting to be able to punch Jar Jar but in the end....I simply felt that I watched a Blu Ray version of the movie. It looks amazing, just not amazing 3-D.

My son, @BroccoliRob11, who wasn't born when this film came out, yet has seen this film at least 40 times was my theater pal for the day. When he was younger, he enjoyed Jar Jar, in fact...while everyone hates Bink, I noticed that the kids still laugh at him. I often have to step back and say to myself "I feel in love with Star Wars when I was 8yrs old. George Lucas doesn't make these for me, he makes them for the kids".

In closing, let me say this...I will continue to support George Lucas. I am a Star Wars junkie, I have been since 1977. I've seen every release in the theaters, I've even seen most opening night. I've shared this special Star Wars bond with my Wife, my kids, my friends and many, many strangers. I will always love Star Wars and I encourage people...if you love it, then love it, if not..that's cool too. It was great to take my son today, it's memory I will always cherish and I know he will too. And to George Lucas...Thank you for what you have given so many of us (even though you're a greedy, money hungry bitch)

My Bloody Valentine - A Little Reminiscing.....

My Bloody Valentine

A Little Reminiscing

by Dean Vanderkolk

Perhaps you've wondered to yourself, in a dark moment that you've never revealed to anyone, what it would look like if a midget with breast implants were to be skewered on a pick axe. If so, My Bloody Valentine is the film for you.

While re-watching this film on DVD, I flashed back to the night when I decided I’d actually experience this movie in the theater so that I could fully enjoy all the film had to offer. I arrived in plenty of time for the show. I looked at the board listing show times, and I inquired of the gentleman who sold the tickets.

"Have you sold out for ‘My Bloody Valentine’?"

"Nope."

"Cool."

"In fact, you're the first guy who has even asked about a ticket for that movie."

Somehow, I’m not surprised.

I head into the theater and settle in for the film. It's set in one of those towns where everyone is either just out of college or retired. Nothing in between. Consequently, many people are performing jobs that they are much too young for. At one point, I thought to myself, "There goes the bravest 14 year old police woman I've ever seen."

The plot involves a group of miners, who, years ago, were stranded in a cave in. Only one survived, chiefly because he murdered all the others in an effort to conserve the air supply. Understandable, if not condonable. This guy is in a coma when he is discovered, and remains that way for an entire year. He then wakes up, murders everyone in the hospital and slaughters about twenty teenagers who are having a kegger in the abandoned mine. WTF? He committed horrible crimes out of the survival instinct, and wakes up a serial killer?

The movie is full of plot holes, poor scripting and several times it cheats, too.

SPOLIER ALERT!!

In one scene, we clearly see the killer assault one of the leads, injuring him and locking him in a cage before murdering the other person in the scene. Obviously, our confined young lead can't possibly be the killer. WRONG!!!! He IS the killer. You see, he suffers from delusions and committed all of the murders himself, and the scene we saw was all in his head. He injured himself, killed the other person, and then locked himself in the cage. I call shenanigans on that, folks.

The movie does feature the best 3-D I had ever seen. The crew makes excellent use of deep focus (in which all of the items in the frame remain in focus, no matter if they are in the foreground or the background), and this really enhances the 3-D aspect of the film.

Too bad they didn't let me keep the glasses.

Dean Vanderkolk is a freelance writer based out of Detroit, Michigan, so he obviously knows scary.  When not dodging gunfire, he works as the head writer for Wolfman Mac's Chiller Drive-In, seen nationally on the Retro Television Network.  He is currently scripting a feature film, an original short horror comedy and is developing an original web series, all of which will begin production in 2011.  Mr. Vanderkolk is currently seeking representation.  If you are interested in working with Dean - please email him at nswriterdude@gmail.com

Wrong Turn 3 Review - Left for Dead....and no Nascar = SCARY!!!

Wrong Turn 3 - Left For Dead

Reviewed by : Rob Dimension

I know, I know...NASCAR...Hillbillies they don't always go together, but come on...they are close. I sat down to watch the third installment of the Wrong Turn series titled: Left for Dead. Directed by Declan O'Brien, who directed Sharktopus...so he can't be that bad.

This film has a few sub plots going on....you have this girl Alex and her friends rafting, her friends bite the dust, early on. Prisoners are being transported, they end up being Hillbilly dinner, at least most of them. Then, you have a truck full of money that just creates more trouble since everyone is greedy (Especially the guy writing this review).

Our Hillbilly this time is Three-Finger, who was seen in previous films, and his son Three-Toes....gotta love this family tree. They set the booby traps and the goriness is sprung. A lot of fun traps and cool effects are in this one. My only complaint is when CGI is used, it is very noticeable. Sometimes, older special effects would just work better, but after watching the special features, they were limited on time...24 days to be exact.

You have wild, angry cons on the loose, a hot chick (although, she is no Eliza Dushku), a prison guard trying to keep the peace and our raving lunatic Hillbilly. Overall, it wasn't great but wasn't terrible either. The money truck, loaded with cash created a diversion in the story to cover the lack of good writing, just my .02. It just made the movie annoying for me at times. Double crossing each other gets old fast, but the Hillbillies don't need money.....remember that folks!

Gore - Plenty of gore, shock scenes that are cool. A lot of the same from past films, arrows threw the faces, the traps that slice and dice.....my biggest gripe is that Three Finger looks like he is 5'4 and 135 pounds. I know, small but mighty. If you were a fan of the first 2 Wrong Turns, go ahead...turn of the GPS and drive blindly and make a few wrong turns.

Fable 3 - Role Playing with British Humor??

Fable III Review or a new Hero Rises in a Silly, British Sort of Way 

 Reviewed by: Shaun Cook 

So another trip back to Albion is here in the newest fantasy epic from Lion head Studios and Microsoft in Fable III. This time around it isn’t just about being a hero but being overthrowing your corrupt brother ad becoming the new King (or Queen) of the land. Now, let me tell you, being a huge video game nerd (I work for rather large specialty conglomerate) and a fan of RPG (Role Playing Games) since the days of yore, I was excited for this release to say the least.

October 26th was a day I waited for with baited breath for some time as it was not just the release of Fable III but several games as well. Actually, it was truly an obscene amount. I mean, Fable III alone was a huge title but you also had Star Wars: The Force Unleashed II, Rock Band 3 and WWE Smackdown vs. Raw 2011 to just name a few. What is a gamer to do? I’ll tell you what, one game at a time or at least for as long as your attention span will allow. Anyhow, I am getting off track….onward.

Fable III did a lot of great new things that made me happy as a fan of the series. Long gone are the tedious management menus of its predecessors, now we have a “Sanctuary” where we can track everything from “wealth” to the number of Orgies and STD’s you have had and collected (I kid you not!). However, the single greatest addition to the game is a voice for your character. Yes, a full on voice for your hero. Long gone are the days of a mere “excited yelp” or “Disappointing howl” of the past games and now you get a fully voiced character. In my opinion, this just adds more to the overall brilliant all-star cast, albeit it is all British, that is capped off by the amazing work of John Cleese as “Jeeves” your loyal butler/game guide.

The game does have its shortcomings as well. The camera, as usual, can pose a problem when you interact with folks with in the game and some of hit detection is a bit hit or miss, but that is just par for the course. However, with those problems aside the game is a real gem for anyone who has an Xbox 360 and anyone who enjoys a great RPG with a twist of British sense of humor. 

 

In closing, there is an online component that I have not tried yet but when I do, you, the readers will be the first to know how those digs worked out.

Until next time………. 

I'm Shaun, I'm 32 years old, and I live in Florida, I am married. I love all of the fruits of our world. The fruits include music, comics, games and of course terrible movies. I have been writing reviews and the such for a few years, most notably on destructoid.com. I hope everyone enjoys my particular brand of insights to world of entertain as much as I do.

Movie Review - My Soul to Take 3-D

My Soul to Take 3D 

reviewed by : Michael K. Snyder

After reading countless reviews on how terrible Wes Craven’s newest vision was, I decided I needed to see it for myself. Now, let me start this off by stating that I hate 3D, and the only other 3D film I’ve seen in theaters was Piranha 3D, which I loved.  But, since I’m such a devout fan of Mr.Craven, I decided to give his 3D vision a shot. 

The film is old-school Craven, and his genius shines through in every frame. Everyone whose review states how terrible the acting was in this film should be tied up and barbecued in their backyards. This is a cast of mainly young actors and actresses who are portraying high school students, and their dialogue represents their state of mind. Of course they aren’t going to be quoting some great English scholars, the main character is only 16! They speak to each other like teenagers, they act like teenagers, and Wes Craven obviously has a lot of experience working with young actors.  

Each frame in this film was textbook film-making; foreground, middle ground and background. Wes clearly shows his worth in these shots because each looks like it was crafted for hours. I felt like I was watching something from one of my film classes about framing the perfect shot.  

The story of My Soul to Take isn’t very straightforward and that may turn some viewers off. Craven doesn’t just hand you the plot and treat you like an idiot, but instead he releases key points ever so often to keep the viewer guessing. Maybe his film is just too smart for the average moviegoer? I wouldn’t doubt it. Wes uses his psychology background and great storytelling skills to craft a masterpiece that is just too intricate and thought provoking for the usual horror film viewer. 

The violence in My Soul to Take isn’t quite as intense as something like Hatchet, or many old school 80s slashers fueled by Savini’s genius. It is, however, effective for the type of film Wes was trying to make. He was trying to make an intelligent horror film, nothing over the top. Actually, many of the scenes and situations portrayed in the film made me feel like this would have been A Nightmare on Elm Street had Wes remade it. There is even a scene, which features red lights, a boiler room like environment and multiple Freddy moments. As a huge fan of Freddy, these little scenes made me smile.   

Overall, I think moviegoers should give Craven’s latest venture a shot, but ONLY if they are old enough to use their minds while watching a horror film.  I feel like if Wes hadn’t made this film and it was made in a foreign market, people would be praising it for its smart storytelling and great cinematography. Maybe I just look too deep into things, but to me this film was smart, scary and fun.

 

Michael K. Snyder is a student filmmaker in Winter Park, Florida. When he's not in class he is working on screenplays, short films, working with Rob and the Late Night Crew and anything film related to keep him busy. He is always looking for work and is currently seeking an agent or any form of representation. If you are interested in working with Michael please email him at mksnyder1990@gmail.com