New Podcast for 2015!

New Podcast for 2015!

Started in 2011

I started podcasting on my own network in early 2011...whew...seems like forever ago. I started as a Horror-ible podcast, went to the XOC with Steve Corino and the recent bunch of shows with Matt Barnes on the Shock and Wrestling. 

I like to think I was ahead of the curve when it comes to podcasting. We started with a cheap microphone being held up by a cup...(legit) and I moved forward to increase production through trial and error. I love looking back at the evolution. 

That being said, I, myself am always evolving. I tend to lean towards comedy and talking about passion. Over time my passion changes, my happiness changed. Right now, I'm as happy as I've ever been. I have worked hard to make films, be creative and keep working towards the future. 

Where does this leave us now? On Dec 31st, I realized I am once again evolving. I'm tired of lack of effort on some things in my creative output. The podcast sometimes suffers because I don't plan ahead and prepare. That needs to change. I no longer want to "wing it" and hope for something good to come from it. Most podcasts do that. I'm better than that.

As much as I love wrestling...I hate talking about it. I LOVE filmmaking and being creative. It's my passion and what makes me happy. I love developing ideas from paper to putting them as content online or in film form. Doesn't matter if it's audio or visual. I just want to create.

Where am I now? Well, as I was editing the latest podcast I messaged Matt and said "we need to change". I hated the last episode. It was just lazy...I know it take balls to admit to yourself that you're putting out lazy, un motivated material but I'm my toughest critic. I would rather talk about what I love and have listeners that are truly invested in what we are discussing, then have people tune in to hear me shit on how bad Raw was. It just doesn't satisfy me and as producer and it's not fair to you.

I have some ideas I'm working on for something new. Some new ideas and content. A better way to produce things and want to capture passion again. It's no longer going to be me venting about hate and rehashing the truth, but more about discovery. Hopefully, you guys will be more inclined to listen and be part of it. 

Thanks again for listening. 

Inspiration - where does it come from?

Inspiration - where does it come from?

The other day, a Facebook friend asked this question...man, it made me think. Certainly, I'm no artistic authority or any type of thought provoking guru...I can only talk about my own inspiration. Everyone is inspired differently and affected by experiences their own way. I have gone through different shades of inspiration in my timeframe. Only the last several years have I put any type of effort into transferring my thoughts into a visual spot. From comedy to horror...my brain has been on overdrive. I find inspiration changes and shifts focus as my life changes.

My inspirations change from books to character portrayals and even from life experiences. For a time period, I was all about the comedy. I would study about what worked, delivery and even the physical aspects. I wanted to be the best at what I was attempting to do..even if I failed..haha. The last year, my inspiration has come from sadness and depression. Life wasn't so good, so why not use that experience to look for a way to create? That's what I did..I wrote, I studied, I worked hard. 

Trust me, before you think I'm tooting my own horn or believe I created some masterpiece, that's not the case. When you create...you hope for happiness. You hope it becomes all you want and more...that's what happened for me. I can only share my side of the story. I wrote my feelings into a script and got off my ass and made something. People took a risk and believed in me...for that, I'm forever grateful. You have to come to terms of accomplishment from your creation. I made it for me.

See! Even he is working on something...

Currently, I'm working on a film titled "baggage" and my inspiration has, of course, switched gears. I'm looking into other character portrayals for guidance. I'm, again, studying and putting 110% into this role. I want to make it the absolute best and do this story, justice. 

A lot of times, I think blogging is a form of calling myself out..challenging myself. I figure if I put it out there, I have to follow through and bust my ass to be my best and not put out subpar effort. So, needless to say, I am working hard to be my best. If, by any slim chance it inspires some other sad, unmotivated nerd to get up and create...then I guess it's all worth it. 

Regardless what inspires you..where it comes from or what you set out to do..be your best!

Accomplishments comes in many forms.

Accomplishment comes in many forms.

I ended that title with a period because I believe it's a statement, not necessarily a title. Each day in each of our lives, we each make our own accomplishments. Regardless of how small or even, how big, we can see a positive in ourselves.  

What a difference a year makes. The other day I had a moment of clarity, I sent my pal, Steve Corino, a text message "Hey, just wanted to thank you for helping me through the shittiest time of my life." It was random, out of the blue and his response "You're welcome". I have exposed my personal life online and on our Podcast "XOC Podcast" with the hopes that maybe it would help someone else who was struggling. My struggle came from within. I hit 40 and was a depressed mess. My family was almost lost, my life was almost lost...I had no direction.

A change needed to be made; I sat down on my laptop and wrote No Clowning Around. It was a short horror/drama film that is full of personal metaphors. Its an inner battle, a battle that I decided to stand up against. I am, in no way, any spokesperson for depression, I just realized if I wanted my life better, I needed to make it happen...no one else would do it.

The saying "What a difference a year makes" has never rang so true for me. Yesterday, I went to pick up the final edit of No Clowning Around; a movie that everyone involved, believed in, worked hard on and gave their heart too. It was a lonely hour and a half ride home as the Dvd sat on my passenger seat. It stared at me; it made me doubt myself, it made me anxious, nervous and made me feel exposed. 

I pulled up to my house and sat out front, just thinking. Thinking of the journey, I can only assume it would be like seeing the finish line of a marathon, but since I'm a lazy turd, I can only assume. I unlocked my door, walked in and of course, I had too pee, since I suffer from Old Man Bladder, but quickly gave it a shake and headed to my Dvd player. As the menu appeared, I could only feel excitement build.

I sat and watched for the next 30 minutes, enjoying something I had helped create. For many, the metaphors will go unseen, but I created this for me. It was me taking my life back. It was me taking a stand against the demons that try to poison our mind, it was that moment in my life that I will never forget.  Even as I type this, I'm teary eyed. The feeling was similar to seeing my children for the first time, it was a overwhelming mix of emotions.

As the movie progressed, I began to have tears stream down my cheeks, but for once, it wasn't because of disappointment or self doubt, it was because I was proud. It was an accomplishment. I reached a goal and no one will ever take that away from me. Sure, the movie will go unseen by many, some will think its shitty, but there will be a few that will enjoy it. I look back at this as a monumental moment in my life. People make movies everyday, people accomplish goals everyday but, it's up to YOU to recognize that moment. You have to work for it.

I am no motivational speaker, I'm only someone who stood on the edge and didn't jump. As the weekend approaches, let me encourage you - take a minute for yourself and make yourself better. Let the negativity go...work hard, if for nothing else, for just YOU. You control your outlook on life, everyone gets in a rut, take your life back. Be the best you can be...accomplish YOUR goal today. Don't worry about the haters...they hate because they are scared to risk being successful. Success is in your heart.

Thank you to those who believed in me, you made this possible.